I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Shame - the story of my life.
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