i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
