my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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