if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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