I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
