yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize