I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
