Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
