i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We're too hungover to prance.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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