Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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