Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
