He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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