In the future we'll all be gay
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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