I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
