why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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