I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
