i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
