I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
