Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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