Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
