Umm I'm too high to move.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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