Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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