the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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