Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
