Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
