Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
