Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
