I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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