Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
