I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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