His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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