Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
