ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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