Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize