You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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