Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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