it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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