i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
