Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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