Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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