First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
