Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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