Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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