Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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