is your mom at the bar?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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