There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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