thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
