why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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