just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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