The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
