i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
