My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
