you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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