i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
