i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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