nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
