dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
