What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
