There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
