I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
