just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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