ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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