paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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