i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
