If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
