How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
