Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
