At least make sure they are 18
Why
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
