either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
