Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
