fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
