I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
