he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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