sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i would punch a child for taco bell
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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