After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
