Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
