I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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