I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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