worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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