wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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