Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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